When the mail came that day there was another card from Polly A. She and Harvey both had been so thoughtful about remembering me. I was still having to struggle with comprehending messages, but I would try. So I read very slowly:
1. I put my life in God's hands.
2. I will trust God.
3. I leave the outcome to God.
I couldn't take it all in with just one reading, so I read again.
1. I put my life God's hands ...............
I remembered having put my life in God's hands many times before and had felt the “Blessed Assurance Jesus is Mine”.
2. I will trust God .........................
I felt I trusted God, the best I knew how. But did I really trust Him enough to have put my life in His hands...to let Him do with my life whatever He chose to do? Something inside me wanted to trust God that much but I was afraid to. If I were well? it would be so much easier to trust Him that much. But I was not well! And suppose He didn't come through! I wanted more than anything, to be able to lead a normal life again....
and not have to be dependent on others the rest of my life!
I didn’t doubt for minute that God could make me well.....after all, He had made me in the first place. And I realized how ugly my body would be if He hadn't healed my many cuts and bruises time and time again through the years. I knew God could fix the things I had wrong. But, would He?
3. I leave the outcome to God...................
What? I didn't know about that now, leaving my outcome to God! I didn't know whether I could count on God that much or not. And I was making pretty fair progress on my own with all the good therapy I was getting. It, even, might not be “according to His will'' to heal me and I didn't think I could bear that. I wanted to be normal again, able to play tennis, to sing in the choir again, to do my treasurer job at the church.
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